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#98 – 05 Apr 2024

Welcome!

You anxiously clench your fists together. Then release, as roll your head around your neck, trying to loosen up.

It doesn’t work.

You brush the sides of your tight jaw, then take a deep breath.

You’ve been spinning around for hours inside your head.

But you still can’t decide which option to choose?

This isn’t just any choice, like what to eat for lunch. No, it’s a strategic decision. It can make or break your future.

So you turn to the old-fashioned pros and cons list.

“Yes! This will solve my dilemma,” you exclaim.

But, no such luck.

They both sound good, but for totally different reasons! So there is no easy choice. Each option sets you off on a different path.

So, which path should you choose?

Hmmmmm… Decisions, decisions.

Here’s what helped me make the decision, when both options were good:

What does your intuition say?

You have an internal compass that directs your moral decisions. Call it your instinct, your heart or your gut.

You know this powerful force as you feel it in your body. It’s different to your brain, you know, the strategic mind. It operates on a different level.

The brain can get caught up overthinking on external metrics like money, status, prestige, or what other people will think. But your heart or gut will tell you otherwise. They tap into your deeper purpose and what drives you.

How to use this?

Simply make space in your day, get quiet and ask yourself:

Which is the better option?
Which is more meaningful?
What do I feel called to?

Now you may feel a massive pull either way. Or it could be the tiniest of nudges. But there will be a preference on that deeper level.

As the saying goes, “When ya know, ya know”.

Don’t ignore your intuition, but here’s a caveat:

Always check against data when possible to test how your internal compass is operating so you can recalibrate as needed.

I heard Claire Hughes Johnson touch on this caveat recently on The Tim Ferriss Show podcast:

I spike as highly intuitive, meaning you come to me with something, I intuitively have an opinion. I’m like, “Oh, I think this is going to be the right thing to do,” or, “I think.”

So I’ll tell you my intuition, and then I’ll say to you, “Bring me data, so we either can validate it or you tell me your intuition, but let’s get some data, so I don’t just get out there and start operating without any basis.

Reach out to someone you respect, trust and who knows you well

This could be your intimate partner, a friend, a coach, or a mentor.

You value their opinion and support. Make use of this.

Don’t be ashamed of asking for help; you should get all the help you can when a big decision is on the line. Some of that help is visible, and some is invisible.

It’s easy to get caught in our own head, that strategic mind taking over, playing out endless scenarios and plans, which is great, to an extent, but at some point, you have covered all known bases, and you need to get out of your head.

How to do this?

Make the call, book the coffee chat, go out for lunch or a walk… Whatever works for you.

Unload all your dirty baggage and which way you are swaying on the decision.

Ask for their insight, and ask them to challenge you based on how they know you.

Consider the long-term

Any big decision isn’t just about the now. There is a butterfly effect. It will affect you and those you love long into the future. So don’t forget to consider that.

It’s easy to get sucked into short-term wins which feel good, but they may come to eat away at you as time goes on.

Here are some reflection questions:

What will make me happier and more fulfilled in the long run?
What is the best option for my family?
What is the best option for my health?
What option aligns best with my values? E.g., more growth, security, freedom, or flexibility.
What about the new relationships associated with each option? Are they people I can see myself happily being involved with for 10+ years?
Think 3-5 steps ahead. Which option will lead to the doors you might want to open in the future?

I’ll leave you with a little story on integrity:

I was making a big life decision.

After going through this process, I decided on my path and let one party know my commitment.

Then, it was time to communicate with the other side.

As a positive person who doesn’t like letting people down, I wasn’t looking forward to the call after — delivering the bad news to the other party.

But, you’ve got to suck it up and have the tough conversations if you want to grow.

I was surprised on the call when the other party unexpectedly threw another proposal at me. And it was very enticing.

But I knew my answer.

I replied, “Thanks, but I don’t like to go back on my word.”

You see, integrity is everything. And I had already expressed my honest commitment to the other party.

If you give up your integrity, who are you?

And is that a path you want to go down?

Cheers,

Matt

P.S.

While on the topic of mental loops, I found this one valuable:

If you find yourself stuck in a mental loop, ask yourself, “Is this useful?” and “Will I care about this in one year?”

— Ben Meer

I invite you to write those questions on a Post-it note for your desk:

“Is this useful?”
“Will I care about this in one year?”

The reminder could break you out of the next overthinking cycle.

Whenever you’re ready, here are 2 ways I can help you:

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Thanks for reading!

The Meaning Path

How To Make A Big Decision