Read on mattkhead.com

Read time: 7 minutes

#97 – 22 Mar 2024

Welcome!

“Oh no!” I exclaimed in my head.

It was my newsletter’s due date. And guess what?

I had not written anything yet!

It’s been a busy week. Lots going on with work. Kids to manage. You know the drill.

The newsletter had been weighing on my mind, but nothing was really calling me yet. In recent months, I have been having fun playing with it, waiting until an idea grabs me in a way that I HAVE to write about it. It’s amazing how the idea always comes.

Then, you can just ride that wave of energy. It’s awesome!

So, what to write about today?

The only way to cure this blank page is to start writing.

One of the easiest ways I find to get going is to write about what you are struggling with or what you have recently learned.

I love reflecting on lessons, so I set about listing 10.

And 40 minutes later, I had knocked almost 2,000 words. That’s the beauty of writing something fresh on your mind. It comes out effortless and easy.

Here are those 10 lessons:

1. If you don’t ask, you don’t get

What is it that you are snoozing on right now? There must be something important to you that you are holding back on.

Now, don’t beat yourself up on this, but admit:

You have been missing opportunities by not asking.

So, how can you learn from this?

Start asking for what you want!

Watch your “luck” increase.

2. Don’t rush things

You don’t want to be rushing things, especially in a way that doesn’t feel right.

The best things in life aren’t “rushed”.

We are all on our own timeline. We don’t all move on a linear path. You might be juggling different jobs, a growing family, or multiple health problems.

Don’t get sucked into the hustle guru advice saying you need to do everything now.

You don’t.

You can chart your own sustainable path, long into the future.

I’ve been reflecting on:

What can I do over the next ten years?

Suddenly, all that internal pressure is gone.

It feels more aligned with the kind of person I am. I don’t like looking for “hacks” or cutting corners — they don’t feel fun. There is something fulfilling about pursuing mastery, whatever that is for you.

What does your long and slow path look like?

3. Silence is golden

Is it just me, or does this world feel a little noisy right now?

Everywhere you go, there is some form of “noise”.

Mostly, the problem is online.

Everyone is screaming down your throat — emails trying to sell you something, influencers demanding attention on social media, or invasive pop-ups on the screen.

But not just online, screaming babies at home, the neighbour’s dog barking, the groaning on the never-ending buses down the street.

And then, to dull it out, we put the headphones in and check out. We tune into the book, podcast, or music, but we tune out of what’s happening around us — the blooming flowers, the brooding clouds, or the bustling river.

I got a few minutes to myself in the late evening last night, and I realised:

This space is priceless.

It was dead quiet — not a sound! And you know what happened?

I had room to think.

Ideas, breakthroughs and questions came pouring out of me in the silence.

Protect a patch in your day for silence.

4. Magic happens in the space

In one of my coaching sessions this week, I witnessed the magic of that silent space.

And you can take this insight into your next deep conversation:

Magic happens in the space.

The problem with typical conversation is everyone is fighting to get their point across. You know how you love throwing in your two cents, or you have that friend who can’t help but dish you their unsolicited advice?

I invite you to consider this:

The constant “butting in” might be getting in the way of what truly matters.

Practise creating space in your conversations.

• When you make a point, there is no need to back it up with a million sub-clauses… Just hold the space and let it sink in.
  ​
• When you see the other person is on the verge of an insight (you can tell by the look on their face), hold the space and let them uncover that breakthrough.
  ​
• When you don’t know where to take the conversation next, don’t jump in awkwardly with some gibberish, but rather, hold the space until the next move arises.

You will fall in love with that space once you feel its impact.

5. You don’t get to it. You come from it

What is one thing you want to get better at?

I invite you to consider this radical idea:

Rather than trying to “get” to it, how could you come “from” it?

I see this in my work as a leadership coach. Often, clients long for that leadership position way off in the future — “If only I could get there”.

And here’s where I challenge:

How could you start showing up from that place? Now.

As the truth is, you can show up from that place now. You don’t need permission. You don’t need to be “picked”. You don’t need to spend the next five years climbing some invisible ladder.

No.

You choose yourself now.

You can start to be that future version of yourself.

And then what?

People start to notice. They see a shift in you. Opportunities open up.

How can you start showing up from the place you desire to be? Start today.

6. Deep connection is best

I don’t know about you, but I spend so much time online these days.

And I am left exhausted from written digital communication… We spend all day writing in our work— reports, emails, DM’s, texts, Slack…

Connecting with people outside of “work” can feel too tiring even to begin the conversation.

But you know what I have found works better when it comes to deep connection?

Moving the asynchronous messaging to a real conversation.

Something is energising about being in the same space at the same time. It no longer feels like a disjointed chore. It’s inspiring!

And there is something special in this overwhelming age when you do things that don’t scale. You can only have so many of these conversations in a week, so it makes the ones that happen tremendously meaningful.

I’ve been trying to shift the digital chats to Zoom catch-ups with people I vibe with. And wow! I can’t tell you how good it has been!

There are people spread across the globe who I have never met in person, but now call my close friends. We get each other.

Do you wanna know one of the weirdest things? I share with them some things I feel like I can’t tell my family or local friends. Why? Because we are more like soul friends — We are on similar missions and share values, in a way that others don’t understand.

So, how can you start to deepen your connection?

• Move the text to a voice note.
• Move the DMs to a Video meeting.

Or one better, if possible, in your location:

• Move the Zoom chat to a real-world coffee catch-up.

Once you start feeling that depth of connection, you’ll realise what you have been missing!

7. Be vulnerable

In regards to those deep conversations, do you know what is the best catalyst for connection?

Be willing to lead with vulnerability.

Share what you are REALLY thinking, what is dear to your heart, or the struggles you have been battling.

When you do this, it’s like a wrecking ball smashes through all those invisible brick walls, and suddenly, the conversation goes to an authentic place. It’s like time stands still; you lose yourself in the flow of the conversation as you talk about what matters.

But before we can get too vulnerable, I must emphasise:

8. Trust is a must

Before you go opening up the vulnerability floodgates, remember:

You’ve got to get some runs on the board in the trust department.

And the best way to build trust is to invest time.

• How much time are you spending with those you care about?
  ​
• Are you supporting their work? And not just supporting, are you actively cheering for them?
  ​
• Are you listening to them?
  ​
• Are you in tune with their emotions?
  ​
• Where are you currently slipping on that investment in trust?

You know what you need to do.

9. “Receive” help

Are you one of those people who LOVES helping people? A beautiful quality you have. But for some reason, you aren’t so good at “receiving” help when you need it.

You pretend you’re all good. You believe you can go it alone. Or maybe you just feel guilty asking for help.

But that is not fair to you or the others.

You might not like to admit this, but plenty of people you already know and trust would LOVE to help you.

Accepting help doesn’t make you annoying. It doesn’t mean you are a victim. No. There is a difference between needing help and being “needy”.

Give that person you have been denying the pleasure of helping you.

10. You can achieve a lot with a good night’s sleep

What is your relationship with sleep right now?

Getting enough? Or does it feel like a losing battle?

This one’s been on my mind, as getting a good night’s sleep can be challenging with little kids at home. They are unpredictable. You go through periods where they wake up five times or more at night. Urghhh! And as parents, we can’t “tap out”. No, problems don’t go away if you avoid them.

Some weeks, you feel trapped in a vicious loop, running on empty. You crave that non-existent power nap.

But then, on other days, you get a full night’s sleep and WOW! You are a productive powerhouse, smashing through your day. You feel like Superman or Wonder Woman! And you remember, “Oh, this is how good life can feel!”

Now, you might not have little kids, but you have other things creeping in on your sleep— the smartphone in your pocket, binging Netflix, or going out for a few late-night drinks…

You can feel it when you are crossing your boundaries.

And you know it’s not worth it.

What sleep rules do you need to tighten up right now?

Ok, that’s it!

I enjoy experimenting with different newsletter styles. Let me know if you like this “lessons learned” format.

Cheers,

Matt

P.S.

Today, I heard a powerful question I wanted to share with you:

In other words:

Where are you most inflexible?

Forwarded this email? Sign up here​

Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn and YouTube​

Want to support my writing? You can here​

Thanks for reading!

​

​​​