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#96 – 15 Mar 2024

Welcome!

“Hmmm”, he got me thinking, “Every experience is different.”

I was on a call with my Mastermind group this week, and our conversation about work unexpectedly took a curious leap into what really matters.

Today, I want to share 3 standout points with you:

IDEA 1: Your work will break your heart

“What!” you exclaim, “Work will break my heart?”

Yes, my friend.

It is inevitable.

Now, I know this might not seem obvious at first, as you may be in one of 3 camps:

1. I LOVE my work.
2. I’m “meh” about work.
3. I HATE my work.

The idea of it breaking your heart may not seem palatable.

Let’s explore those three situations:

1) You love your work.

It’s your world. You love to work! Your work is more than a job. It’s a calling. And good on you, as not many people land here in life.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but this has heartbreak written all over it, just the same as any marriage does when someone inevitably passes away… One day, your work will end—either the job or you. Morbid, I know! Sorry!

But that’s what happens when you open yourself and become vulnerable. You live life, which is fantastic, but that comes with the fact that it won’t last forever. Painful to think about, I know.

But rejoice, in this knowing lies a gift. Savour every moment. Treasure it! For one day you won’t have this beautiful thing!

I reflect on some brilliant jobs I had over my career, and I almost get a little tear in my eye:

• The transformative work we did, often under challenging circumstances.
• The feeling of personal growth, as you pushed your limits and achieved what you didn’t know you were capable of.
• The people, oh yes, the people! The standout highlight! We will never have those same bunch of lovable misfits together again in the same room. You now remember even the ones who annoyed you with a faint smile.

2) You’re “meh” about work.

This one’s a bit like walking through a shallow swamp. It’s not the worst, but it’s definitely not good. Your feet sink into the ground, and you’re carrying heavy clumps of mud on your heels.

You keep pressing on, and after a while, you become ambivalent about how good life could be, or how bad it could be. You just keep trudging on while telling yourself a story about why you’ve made the “right decision”, even though you feel some uncertainty deep down.

But here is the trap!

The trudging on…

You never stop and reflect. You never go, “Hang on, I don’t really enjoy this. Could things be better?”

But one day, you may come to regret that ignorance.

You might wake up later in life, and go, “Why didn’t I follow my interests? Why didn’t I live a little? Why didn’t I build something I care about?”

And in that regret comes the heartbreak of work.

“I could have been so much more.”

Fear not. It’s not too late. You can start asking those reflective questions now.

You might conclude that you are happy with your path, and that’s great! But if you aren’t satisfied with what’s on the horizon, it’s also great! As you have time to start making changes.

3) You hate work.

Your heart’s already been broken. Work hasn’t delivered its end of the bargain. You’re beyond frustrated. And you’ve simply checked out.

This is actually kind of a good thing. If you wake up to it — WAKE UP.

You know what you don’t like. And that’s better than knowing nothing at all.

So, with that knowledge, you can move forward.

Now, I hate to break it to you (again), but if you boldly decide to move forward towards something you might care about, guess what?

You’re opening yourself up to more heartbreak.

But, again, this is wonderful, as that is living a full life. The highs and lows are part of the journey. Think how sad it would be to go through a life without romantic love, or any other kind of love. It’s what makes life worth living.

So get out there and keep searching. Start where you are. Try things, experiment. Don’t accept an unlived work-life.

IDEA 2: You never know when it might be the last time

Back to the deep chats in our mastermind…

After our philosophical discussion on the heartbreak of work, I recalled something that had been weighing on my mind:

You never really know when something might be the last time.

I know, it’s a bit morbid again. But don’t worry, I’m not referring to the obvious thought - death!

Although the fact we could leave this life any day is true, who knows when an unfortunate accident or a terminal health scare may occur?

But this doesn’t have to be depressing. It can be a huge motivator.

The ancient stoic philosophers had a phrase, memento mori:

Remembering that you are only here for a limited time can inspire action to achieve something meaningful during your precious days on Earth.

Let’s put all the musings on death to one side.

My point is that you still never know when something might be the last time.

What do I mean?

Well, this week, my wife said to me:

“I’m sad. This will be the last week we use the bassinet.”

Yep, our four-month-old baby was getting too big for his little bed. Sadly (for us as parents wanting our cute baby not to grow up too fast), someday this week, he will be moving onto the next stage of sleeping, from the bassinet to a cot.

Then, this got me reflecting:

I realised I used to love holding my older son in my arms and reading him books. But he has since grown out of that. He doesn’t like being “held” while reading books anymore.

And then I felt sad. I felt like I had never made the most of that final moment. I didn’t even see it coming or notice when the “final moment” was.

The trick here is to be aware of these situations and when they happen so that you can cherish them.

It helps if you know they are coming.

Want an example?

I remember realising I would be leaving London, the city I loved. I’d lived there for two years and had fallen head over heels. I could stay here forever, I thought.

But sadly, it was time to go home. Back to Australia. To “grow up” and start a family.

And so I made a pact to myself:

I will make the most of every last minute in this city.

And you know what?

I did!

I can genuinely say that I did.

I started taking things super SLOW.

It was winter at the time, but I didn’t care. I started walking home after work instead of getting the rickety Northern Line tube home from Camden Town to London Bridge, where my flat was.

I wanted to walk down random streets. I wanted to watch people going about their days. I wanted to walk out in the cold air, arms outstretched, catching the rain and snow in my hands. I wanted to drink a pint of beer in a cosy pub while laughing with my mates. I would happily dawdle down those streets forever.

And then, when I got the bridge over the River Thames, I would slow down even more. I would smile to myself and think, “How lucky am I? How lucky am I to be here right now, in this world, in this city, living this life?”

See how different that approach is?

How does that level of attention and pace compare to your work day yesterday?

I remember those final days fondly. And I feel complete, knowing that I made the most of them. No regrets.

Wow, writing this has brought up another memory that stuck with me…

And it ties this idea of “the last time” with those feelings of work breaking our hearts.

It was my farewell from my work in London. It coincided with the annual “Christmas Party”, which was celebrated in January as December was a crazy busy work period.

I remember midway through the party evening when one of my dear work friends, a Scottish fellow, tapped me on the shoulder and motioned to the side of the event.

I could see it was a challenging moment for him. Emotions were rising. There was a tear forming in his left eye. He grabbed me by the arm and said:

“Matt… I’m not so good at goodbyes…. So, at some point… During the night… I’m just gonna leave.”

The message hit me like a tonne of bricks. Time stood still. Suddenly, I was emotional as I accepted the farewell was truly happening. The music drowned out.

And that was it.

I never saw him again.

I get goosebumps now as I write this—such a powerful moment.

There you go, work breaking hearts. But in a fond way.

IDEA 3: Is it really all the same?

Here’s a trap I walked right into:

Partway through our discussion on “the last time”, one of my friends in the mastermind group called me out:

“Is it really all the same?”

No. I guess not.

But what did he mean here?

We conveniently lump groups of experiences as “the same”. But really, if you pay attention in a mindful way, they are not all exactly the same. Every moment is different. Every moment is unique. And never to be repeated.

I had to think about this, “Hmmmm”.

You know what?

He’s right.

If I use the example of my son growing out of the bassinet. It wasn’t like one day he was small, and then he wasn’t. No, he had been gradually growing millimetre by millimetre each day. And if I had paid more attention, I could have noticed more of that.

I realised we get hung up on the “milestone” events, like growing out the bassinet, leaving the job, or moving house. But there are so many sub-moments in the leadup that we miss. And there is so much to be found there, if we pay attention.

You know how you just get so busy with work and life? You can’t remember what you did yesterday or maybe 5 minutes ago!

And soon, you start lumping things together, “All Monday mornings are terrible!”

But wait, are they really all terrible?

Then you go, “Oh yeah, last Monday, I got a text from an old friend. We’re now catching up for coffee.”

See, it’s not so bad once you scratch the surface.

Okay, that’s enough musing for today.

I’ll leave you with some reflection questions:

• When I consider that work will break my heart, how does that gently nudge me to approach things differently than I have been?

• What is one thing you enjoy doing, that has a “last time” coming up soon? How can you savour that moment?

• With the knowledge that no experience is ever “exactly the same”, how does that change your relationship with each passing moment?

“Hmmm,” got me thinking right now…

One day, I will write my last newsletter.

When will it be? And will I know it at the time…

Cheers,

Matt

P.S.

I saw this beautiful quote during the week and thought of you:

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