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#91 – 09 Feb 2024

Welcome!

Today I’m feeling energised & excited.

I just returned from a walk where I reflected on my week of coaching.

And you know what I realised?

I need to do this more. It was a beautiful day, and the insights were exploding in my brain. I might make it a Friday ritual to get out on that walk, clear my head, and reflect on what I learned, what worked, and what didn’t.

I encourage you to do the same on your path to mastery of your craft.

You gain so much from that reflecting space.

Treasure it. Protect it.

And so today, I wanted to share with you my five key takeaways from that walk:

Let’s dive right in:

1. What got you here won’t get you there

It is a catchy book title, and the message is on point.

Often, people succeed in one aspect of their work and rise to the top in that domain. But then they get promoted, and suddenly, they are out of their depth.

Want an example?

I saw this all the time in my accounting career. There were technical gurus and financial whiz’s who could make data sing. They got the best outcomes for their clients.

So what happened next?

Naturally, they got promoted!

But this is where things started to fall apart…

How? Why? Weren’t they the “expert?”

Yes. But they were an expert in crunching numbers. Not managing people!

It’s a totally different skill set.

But a trap for high-performers is they assume that because they mastered one domain, the next will be a piece of cake.

Not true.

And this is where it gets ugly:

Those people often come to hate and resent their jobs if they are not careful.

“Come on, really?”

Yes, because they used to love coming to work every day and smashing out what they were good at. It was energising for them.

But now, in the leadership role, they are doing things they have not mastered. Often, they have no idea about them. They never had to build a team, lead a positive culture, or give performance feedback. So suddenly, they feel like a clumsy, stumbling mess.

It’s mindblowing to realise that those same skills and habits that created your previous success could now be your biggest roadblocks.

You want to lean on what you already know. You like to feel comfortable.

But they just might be hindering your progress.

Not good, right?

And so this is the trap:

What got you here won’t get you there.

And so you’ll need to do a bit of unlearning and new learning to succeed at this next level.

The way forward is uncovering the personal and professional growth required to succeed in the new role and then getting to work on it. That’s where coaching is a superpower. It helps uncover those blindspots, pushes you to think bigger, and holds you accountable on that path forward.

2. TVT: Trust Value Tension

“Ohhhhh, yes! I get it now.”

I’d just experienced an a-ha moment.

But where was I?

Let’s wind back the clock four years ago. I was on the first day of my coaching certification course.

The facilitator just delivered a bombshell that blew my mind.

What was the insight?

TVT.

Trust-Value-Tension.

Before I unpack that, let’s set the scene back then. I was a MASSIVE people pleaser. I was about as agreeable as you can get. I hated offending people.

But this insight blew all that away, and I became a better leader and a more powerful coach.

How?

I learned that “tension” is key to getting value in coaching.

But tension was the thing I had been avoiding for much of my life. I didn’t like getting under people’s skin or ruffling feathers.

Great leaders don’t make people feel bad, right?

Not necessarily.

Great leaders say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. And sometimes, that does require ruffling a few of those feathers. From that day forward, I realised I had to get comfortable with the uncomfortable if I was going to be a great leader and an impactful coach.

For coaching to be valuable, there needs to be some tension. Think about it… If you see a coach and they don’t push you to grow in any way, you’re going to walk away thinking, “Where’s the value in that?”

People come to coaching usually seeking some kind of transformation. And you know what comes with transformation?

Tension.

It ain’t easy going through transformational change. You’ll have to get vulnerable, venture into the unknown jungle and shed off some dead wood.

A transformation is never a walk in the park.

You have to face up to the messy parts of yourself that you have been avoiding. You’ll have some difficult conversations. You’ll test your limits of what’s possible. And you know what?

It’s beautiful.

It’s magical to see someone becoming all they can be—the person they were meant to be— and leading authentically.

So back to the “TVT”.

We’ve established you need “tension” to get “value”.

But you need something else before that. Something which is the glue stopping all that from falling apart:

“Trust”.

Yep, without trust, you can’t raise that tension. If no trust is established between the coach and the client, the client will be unwilling to venture into vulnerable places. Or the coach will lack the confidence to push deeper into the weeds that need to be explored.

So, the big lesson for me here is:

By avoiding tension, you are doing a disservice to the client.

But you need to establish trust first.

And so there you have it, “TVT”.

How can you apply that little relationship to how you show up as a leader? Don’t dive straight into the tension if you haven’t established trust. And if you have the trust, don’t be afraid to turn the thermostat up and hold the space in a way that delivers win-win results.

3. Where are you unwilling to go? And where is that showing up in other parts of your life?

So, you’ve established the trust-value-tension relationship. Great.

Still, you will uncover fields where the client is unwilling to go.

An interesting question here is:

Where else is that showing up in other parts of your life?

Sometimes, people have a narrow issue that they are avoiding, e.g. a difficult conversation. But that is showing up in other parts of their life and causing widespread impact. So not only are they addressing the struggling team member, but they aren’t telling their boss what’s really going on, and they are avoiding their spouse on certain hot-button issues.

The question can bring this to light from a holistic perspective. Suddenly, it’s not just one minor issue but impacting the “whole system” of their life.

Uncovering and addressing the root cause of this issue can have an outsized impact.

Who doesn’t love an exponential win?

4. Where are you not recognising your strengths?

I see this a lot. People have these exceptional strengths, and they are brilliant at specific tasks. But for whatever reason, they have these limiting beliefs that they are “not good enough” or they don’t “have what it takes”.

But you know that?

That’s a load of garbage.

It’s just some form of imposter syndrome holding them back. The truth is they are powerful individuals with unlimited potential. But they are just getting in their way.

You know that vicious cycle of doubt and overthinking.

You start to second-guess yourself.

But, hey, let’s pull up a second.

YOU ARE AMAZING.

Look at all you have achieved in this lifetime, from where you started to now. Sure, you may not yet be where you “want to be”, but some time ago in the past, you dreamed of being where you are now. Let’s not take that for granted.

You have done great things, and you have an exciting future ahead.

One trap is because of those big goals on the horizon. You get caught obsessing over the gap between where you are now and the success you desire.

But you will never feel good living in that space as you’re always stuck looking at what you don’t have.

A recipe for misery.

You know what is better?

Recognise how far you have come—the gains you have made. That is empowering. It will drive you to keep moving forward.

People get hung up on their weaknesses.

Who cares!

Stuff your weaknesses. What about your strengths?

Here’s a powerful question for you to sit with:

What are the few strengths you can lead with that make all your weaknesses irrelevant?

Covering up your weaknesses is draining. Leading from a place of strength is energising!

5. Role-playing

This one is so simple that it can be overlooked. But you know what I have learned can be one of the most high-value exercises with my clients:

Role-playing.

Usually, people bring something they are stuck on to a coaching session. They are often procrastinating or avoiding something on the path to their goal.

Let’s say it’s fear around a courageous conversation they need to have.

You know that feeling, right? It can be paralysing.

It is not only the weight of that stuckness that’s debilitating. It’s the endless cycles of inner chatter going round and round in your head.

It’s like a rat gnawing all the courage out of your body.

But what’s one of the best ways to restore that confidence?

Practice.

But in a “safe” way.

And that’s where role-playing comes in.

You can run through things creatively and playfully.

Suddenly, that big scary conversation doesn’t look so bad.

That’s it!

I hope you found great value here.

Let me know which point hit home most for you. Is there anything you would add?

Cheers,

Matt

P.S.

Here’s a quote I saw today which I had to share with you:

How does that speak to you? What changes do you know you need to make?

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